Two more five star reviews of my book A Dance to Freedom have been posted on Amazon!
A must read book!!! By Springer “It’s a timeless, amazing book. It can help people for years to come. I may not be healed or enlightened but that much I know. It had a profound influence on me. I wish I had read this book when I was in my 20’s.”
It really is a compelling story and needs to be heard By Lela “I read this book – nothing but respect and admiration for the author!! I can’t imagine why anyone would feel differently.
It really is a compelling story and needs to be heard”
It’s an amazing true story written in such a way that you are with the person every step of the way to her freedom.”
A Roadmap to Emotional Autonomy By Jane Hildung “100% recommendation! If you really want to reach emotional autonomy, this is a must-read!
It is the first book, I know, where you can see the revolutionary insights of the famous author Alice Miller in action.
Sylvie Shene’s book gives a strong prove, that it is true, that we unconsciously repeat the way we were treated in (early) childhood throughout our lives, since we get conscious about the neglect and the wounds we have suffered from as children.
The influence coming from childhood is shown in many studies like “ACE” study of Kaiser Permanente, the work of Lloyd de Mause etc. and cannot be underestimated if we look at any matter of life on this planet- neither the personal tragedy of one person or society issues, environmental or other concerns of global dimensions…As Alice Miller puts it: “The roots of violence are not unknown”.
Reading this book means to follow Sylvie Shene’s truly amazing journey from a childhood in a dysfunctional family, with breathtaking and heartbreaking scenes of emotional and many other ways of abuse, her long struggle to bring some space between her and her family by finally moving to USA, and her unswerving to work through it, since she finally could break from the spells of the neglected child within…
Honestly, sometimes I thought, this is more than what fits in one person’s lifetime or what one single person can cope with, but Sylvie Shene did. The fact, she knew the work of Alice Miller was her exit out of emotional dependency and its bad effects on her life. And she shares this journey with us.
What is even more amazing and special about her book: She offers everybody a kind of a roadmap with helpful paths to find one’s own way to break free from emotional prisons: It is in between the chapters of her book where you find worksheets or let’s call it “questionnaires” with questions leading very deep to one’s soul, if asked honestly. It can help us to unveil the layers of unconscious neglect, addictions, and self- betrayals and so on…
What Sylvie Shene writes about her life “after” freeing herself, gives hope and an example, how to connect with children more respectful, and how we can really live a life as a mature conscious adult, free from emotional addictions…
I hope many people will work with this questionnaire, because I think, this world can get to a better place. And this is, what we desperately need- imho”
She invites you to walk along with her! By E. D. “Sylvie has a remarkable way of sharing her own story while encouraging you as the read to reflect and think through your own journey. Although being a psychologist for many years, I learned a great deal about life and about myself by walking through “her dance” while focusing on my own issues from my past. Sylvie writes with clarify and challenges her reader to walk along with her and to explore their own lives and recurring “tapes”. I highly recommend this to anyone looking to “grow” emotionally and spiritually!”
“This book will teach you that emotional autonomy is within reach.” By AZ Net News on February 27, 2015
“This book will teach you that emotional autonomy is within reach.
Shene puts the revolutionary insights of Swiss psychologist Alice Miller into action in this remarkable tale of perseverance and courage that is as much a page-turning memoir as it is a valuable self-improvement guide.
By sharing her life with complete candor — episodes include an international kidnapping, two suicide attempts, abuse from a therapist, and an 18-year stint as a topless dancer — Shene proves how devastating the compulsion to repeat childhood behaviors can be.
Miller wrote that the roots of violence are based in childhood traumas; Shene shows us how this violence can be self-directed.
Shene is definitely a survivor, but it is not until she confronts the feelings of the little girl trapped inside that she becomes truly liberated.
The book shows people how to break free from emotional prisons. At the end of each chapter, she asks questions designed to help readers unveil layers of unconscious neglect, addictions and self-betrayals.
What Shene writes about her life after freeing herself is equally compelling. If we could do even half the work she has done, the world would be a better place.”
“This book is like a foreword to all of Alice Miller’s books, which is the highest praise in my eyes. If you don’t own it, buy it now!” by MARCO on SEPTEMBER 16, 2014
It’s the perfect book to get you started on your dance to freedom. Even if …you are skeptical about that Swiss psychologist, this book will show you that what she said was not just some abstract theory, but really works.
Sylvie Shene explains her own history in detail and it soon becomes clear why: cause and effect. Why couldn’t she say no to a man who treated her badly? Why did 12-step programs not help her? How did she finally free herself? You will find out all of that by reading her book.
In between chapters, there are worksheets that engage the reader. This is not a book to read once and move on, it’s wise to read the book over and over again. The reader should participate and ask himself how what he read relates to his own life, his own trauma and his own repression.
Sylvie Shene was lucky enough to have known Alice Miller when she was alive and she shares the insightful correspondence with the reader. Since Alice Miller’s books are so helpful, she included a short summary and review for each of them.
This book gave me much needed inspiration and a positive outlook towards my future. It showed me that it is possible to free oneself and it showed me the way. I hope it can do the same for you.”
You Have Done Alice Miller Proud by Donald Warner Parker
Hi Sylvie, I got your book A Dance To Freedom last Saturday and read it the whole way through as I could not put it down and now I am reading through it again for the third time. In a very clear, direct, honest and straightforward manner you shared your incredible story interwoven with passages from Alice Miller’s books and articles and I think you most definitely accomplished your mission to introduce and make Alice Miller’s body of work more accessible to people as a companion and enlightened witness to help them free themselves of their denial and repression, with sound practical guidelines to find their own “dance to freedom.” I have ordered a few more copies of your book to give to people who I think will benefit from it and I won’t hesitate to recommend your book to others. You have done Alice Miller proud. Best Wishes, Donald
Donald, thank you for reading my book; I am so glad you liked it! Yes, it’s my mission to introduce Alice Miller’s pioneering and courageous work to as many people as possible in this world with the telling of my story. And to hear from someone out there that I have accomplished my mission and that I have done Alice Miller proud is the best compliment anyone could ever give me! But I could never have accomplished my mission without the help and assistance of Ed Sweet, one of the best and talented writers in the world! I will be in debt to him forever! Thank you for your lovely words and best wishes to you too, Sylvie
Sylvie, there is nothing to thank me for as it was absolutely my pleasure to read your very enlightening, encouraging, moving and inspiring book that I have no doubt will be of immense benefit to many people. What more can you give a person and this world, for that matter, than sharing your own hard earned wisdom, experience and truth through telling your own story and holding up a mirror for others to capture their own reflection in it, while at the same time providing the vital information of Alice Miller’s body of work to free themselves from their denial and repression and the illusions that keep it intact. It is so true what you wrote in your Chapter False Hope on page 126, “Ultimately I realized that self-help books and 12-step programs offer a false hope at best. I’m convinced that people who put their faith in these types of things — or in psychologists, psychiatrists or any other cult leader for that matter — are avoiding the real causes of their problems and are just masking their symptoms instead. The seductiveness of the quick fixes offered by traditional treatments and therapies is very powerful and even if they don’t work they offer at least temporary relief from the fear and pain of our abused younger selves.” You make it crystal clear in your book how Ed Sweet played such an important role in the development of it and how grateful you are to him. Once again my Best Wishes to you and Congratulations to you as well on your accomplishment of your passionate mission to get to people the vital and lifesaving information, guidance and companionship they need to free themselves of lies and illusions. Donald
Dear Donald, reading your words brought me into tears. Because that’s exactly what I hope my book to be to others — a mirror for people to capture their own reflection in it — and provide the vital information of Alice Miller, so they can better understand themselves and others. I believe people getting the right information at the right time are essential for true liberation to be possible. I hope my book brings this essential information at the right time to many people on this planet, so they too have a chance to liberate themselves. And yes traditional treatments and therapies out there at the end block people’s natural flow of their authentic feelings, and they end up being tools for repressing people all over again and as long people go on repressing the repressed feelings of the child they once were, they will be driven by them sooner or later in one form or another into a state of compulsion repetition.
Again thank you for your lovely words and best wishes to you too, Sylvie
Dear Sylvie, Your most welcome for and absolutely deserved all that I was moved to write. Your book is straight from your heart and straight as an arrow and that is exactly what makes it so powerful. I also believe “that people getting the right information at the right time is essential for true liberation to be possible” (otherwise they remain in the darkness of compulsive repetition without an enlightened witness) and that this is a life and death matter in a world that is rapidly plummeting to its destruction on every conceivable level due to the individual and collective global repression and denial of childhood traumas and how this is being manifested in our child abusing and neglecting, animal enslaving and slaughtering and earth raping death culture of addictions, narcissism and materialism. Anything, however well-intentioned it may be, that evades the central reality of Alice Miller’s message is only inadvertently, hypocritically and unconsciously contributing to the above. Your book is a beacon of light that points the way to true liberation through your own story and how Alice Miller’s body of work enabled you to find your “dance to freedom.” Despite all that you had had to absorb and defend against from your family and culture there was something very true, vital and pure (* see below) inside you to have been able to so clearly recognize the truth in Alice Miller’s work and to be able to take her message to heart, fully embracing it and applying it to your own life and becoming your own enlightened witness with her assistance. Sincerely, Donald Warner Parker
*”As painful as my family dynamics were, much of the trauma swirling around me had little direct effect on me in my earlist years. I have fond memories of my mother protecting me in my first years of life. And despite my father’s alcohol problem and inability to be present emotionally, he was never violent and never spanked me. He was gentle and kind when he was sober, and would often give me the food off his plate when I was hungry. I was actually a pretty happy child. And for a few years, from the time I was three to the time I was seven, I was lucky to have had the full attention of my mother. All the other children were gone and would only come to visit on weekends and other special occasions. So, for a time, it felt as though I was the only one that mattered.” page 22 of A Dance To Freedom.
Dear Donald, your words are touching me deeply. I have no doubt that thanks to having my mother’s protection and full attention in those few earlier years, and her letting me play and explore freely, that’s why I was able to preserve my soul/feelings. And from this short experience of freedom in my childhood was the bases that gave me the strength to rebel and stand up to those trying to repress me and murder my soul/feelings, this experienced freedom was my compass in life to guide me to find a true enlightened witness like Alice Miller, so I could really fully liberate myself and this time preserve it. I did not include this memory in the book, but it just came to mind: I remember my older sisters being mad at my mother when I was a teenager and blaming her for me being so difficult and rebellious, they told her it was her fault, because she had let me run wild as a small child when I was left alone with her in the village. Thank goodness for those few wild years in the village. Those were the best years of my childhood.
Sadly these words in your comment above could not be truer: Thank you for writing. It’s nice to connect to another soul capable of feeling and seeing: “(otherwise they remain in the darkness of compulsive repetition without an enlightened witness) and that this is a life and death matter in a world that is rapidly plummeting to its destruction on every conceivable level due to the individual and collective global repression and denial of childhood traumas and how this is being manifested in our child abusing and neglecting, animal enslaving and slaughtering and earth raping death culture of addictions, narcissism and materialism. Anything, however well-intentioned it may be, that evades the central reality of Alice Miller’s message is only inadvertently, hypocritically and unconsciously contributing to the above. Your book is a beacon of light that points the way to true liberation through your own story and how Alice Miller’s body of work enabled you to find your “dance to freedom.” Despite all that you had had to absorb and defend against from your family and culture there was something very true, vital and pure(* see below) inside you to have been able to so clearly recognize the truth in Alice Miller’s work and to be able to take her message to heart, fully embracing it and applying it to your own life and becoming your own enlightened witness with her assistance. Sincerely,” Donald Warner Parker
Dear Sylvie, no there is no doubt that thanks to having your mothers protection and full attention in those few earlier years and her having let you play and explore freely is what enabled you to preserve your soul/feelings, and was also the basis that gave you the strength to rebel and stand up to those trying to repress you and murder your soul/feelings, and that this experienced freedom was your compass in life to guide you to find a true enlightened witness like Alice Miller, so you could really fully liberate yourself and this time preserve it, as you wrote above. From what I read about your two older sisters Elza and Laura and their “treatment” towards you and your mother it does not surprise me at all that they would be mad at your mother when you were a teenager and blame her for your being difficult and rebellious telling her it was her fault because of how she had let you run wild when you were alone with her in the village as you described. How unconsciously jealous and envious Elza and Laura must have been of your having had your mothers protection and full attention and the freedom she gave you to explore, and angry at your mother for her not having been able to provide the same for them. As you wrote of your sisters in your book, “Today I understand that Elza and Laura were unconsciously punishing my mother for bringing them into the world and not meeting their needs when they were little. My sisters unconsciously made my mother — and others — pay for their miserable childhoods.” page 46 – 47.
The passage below from the Alice Miller interview How To Combat Denial came to my mind right away when I read of your sisters blaming your mother for your being so difficult and rebellious:
Borut Petrovic Jesenovec: I notice that a lot of people become allergic when they see a truly childlike child unburdened by guilt and abuse. They just can’t stand it. They repeat that every child must be socialised as soon as possible, in other words taken away from parents and put into kindergarten so that he/she becomes “available” to anyone. They preach the benefits of socialisation as if it was a most sacred, noble cause. I find this social pressure enormous. But in this context socialisation equals adaptation to cruelty. Why is a child who is alive, genuine and pure, in their eyes unbearable, even sinful, and must by all means be mutilated so he/she would become similar to them?
Alice Miller: Because the child’s creativity and liveliness triggers in the parents the repressed pain of being suffocated. They are afraid of feeling the pain, so they do whatever they can to avoid the triggers. By insisting on obedience they kill the lively child, they victimize him or her as they themselves were victimized before. For that reason, they absolutely need information. This is why we talk and work on this interview. Most parents don’t want to hurt their children; they do it automatically, just by repeating what they themselves learned as children. We can help them to stop this destructive behaviour by explaining to them why it is actually destructive. So that they can wake up and make a choice.
Above excerpt from How to combat denial Interview given by Alice Miller to Borut Petrovic Jesenovec in July 2005
Dear Donald, yes those few wild years in the village made all the difference for me, to be able to hold on to my soul/feelings, and with the support from Alice Miller to gather the courage to break free from my isolation and to go out into the world as an authentic person. Alice Miller’s words above are so true. I remember my first day of school when I started first grade. I was all happy to start school, with liveliness, very excited to learn new things, my liveliness must have triggered the teacher that she asked me a question, I don’t remember what her stupid question was, but I gave her an honest answer of how I truly saw it and felt, she made fun of me and humiliated me in front of the class, making me feel that my feelings and how I saw things was wrong and stupid. I remember thinking to myself: she must think is better than others, but she is not, she poops and pees like everyone else, and from that day on I had enough of school and skipped school every chance I had; when I was not able to skip it, I was just miserable in class, because to protect myself from being humiliated, I had to repress myself, school was a completely torture for me, I felt so suffocated. Now a see very clear that the reason teachers and my older sisters hated me so much, was because I was a child with a soul/feelings really alive and they hated me for it that they tried everything in the book to try to murder my soul/feelings, so I would be a robot like them. I wish I had included Alice Miller’s quote you shared above in my book, it’s so true. Your heart felt reviews of my book here are so poignant, that I don’t have words to express how grateful I am for your contribution. I have someone helping me design my new website and as soon it’s finished, I will post there your very moving reviews.
Dear Sylvie, There is no doubt whatsoever that those few wild years in the village made all the difference for you to be able to hold on to your soul/feelings, which also paved the way for you, from that experience of freedom, to be able to recognize the truth in Alice Miller’s work and enable you to be supported by her enlightened witnessing to gather the courage to break free from your isolation and to go into the world as an authentic person. Once again I was struck by how much you had of yourself as a young child in the face of the cruel, sadistic and humiliating treatment of your teacher that you described above to be able to think to yourself, “she must think is better than others, but she is not, she poops and pees like everyone else,” and act on it, “and from that day on I had enough of school and skipped school every chance I had; when I was not able to skip it, I was just miserable in class, because to protect myself from being humiliated, I had to repress myself, school was a completely torture for me, I felt so suffocated.” It is very ironic that the early experiences you had of love and freedom that enabled you to develop and preserve a sense of self also set you up to be a target and scapegoat of your teachers and older sisters dissociated hatred for how they had been soul murdered and viciously, sadistically and hatefully attacked in you what had been destroyed in them, as you realize when you write above, “Now I see very clear that the reason teachers and my older sisters hated me so much, was because I was a child with a soul/feelings really alive and they hated me for it that they tried everything in the book to try to murder my soul/feelings, so I would be a robot like them.” You may wish you had of included Alice Miller’s quote in your book however in a future edition perhaps you may possibly do so. I am moved by your expression of gratitude of my reviews of your book, which you most richly deserve. And I am very grateful to you as well for your book and am slowly re-reading it again for the forth time now (this is what I used to do with Alice Miller’s books as they came out), and it has been immensely helpful for me to see and feel different aspects of my childhood and what it set me up for to re-enact towards myself and with others throughout my life more clearly, which has been very painful and disturbing on the one hand but on the other hand comforting to have you as a companion, guide and enlightened witness to help me have a clearer picture of my life, through the sharing of your story with Alice Miller’s writings and what it is reflecting back to me about my own life story. This is partly why it has taken me awhile to respond. There is a relief in knowing the truth however deeply disturbing it may be. The Alice Miller quote below I feel describes what your book will help people to do. Sincerely, Donald
“We cannot resolve the effects of mistreatment in therapies that evade the facts and confine themselves only to the analysis of the psychic realities. But we can liberate ourselves from the consequences if we are prepared to face emotionally the truth of our childhood, to give up the denial of our suffering, to develop empathy for the child that we were and to thus understand the reasons for our fears. In this way, we free ourselves from the fears and guilt feelings that were burdened upon us from the earliest age. Through the knowledge of our history and our feelings, we get to know the persons that we are, and we learn to give to them what they vitally need but never received from their parents: love and respect. This is the goal of the uncovering therapy: The wounds can be scared over if they are tended to and taken seriously; but the existence of the scars should not be denied.” — Alice Miller
Above excerpt from the article Resolving the Effects of Child Mistreatment by Alice Miller
“Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. And this is a fact.” Sylvie Imelda Shene, Author of A DANCE TO FREEDOM. by Petra Helm
A DANCE TO FREEDOM is an amazing book in which my dear friend Sylvie shares the most intimate moments of her life in a fascinating, sincere and moving way that you simply can’t put it away once you start reading. It’s a unique combination of a dramatic childhood and life story told with absolute honesty and a brilliant introduction to the work of the “childhood researcher” -as she used to call herself- ALICE MILLER, who left such a valuable heritage to those who are seriously looking for the true reasons for all the violence and abuse we sadly witness in this world day after day.
A DANCE TO FREEDOM isn’t just another of the typical “self-help” books. It’s the testimony of a brave woman, who shows us -based on her own experience- that Alice Miller is so right with what she says about the devastating effects of child maltreatment, and how reading and understanding her books can help us to break free and heal from traumas that seem impossible to overcome.
I feel proud and honored that Sylvie let me accompany her in the writing process and asked me to write the foreword to her really special book, which I am also going to translate into Spanish and German as soon as I can so that it can make its way in as many countries as possible. To those who can read in English I highly recommend this book, which you can order on Amazon. For the rest, you have to wait until I finish the translation I’LL DO MY BEST to do it as quick as I can!!! “ Petra Helm
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD by James Warren
Sylvie Shene knows of which she speaks. And what she has learned after struggle, tears and finally presence and joy should be seriously considered by everyone.
We have all survived the slings and arrows of childhood. Even if you were raised in an atmosphere of caring, respect and fairness our idea of childhood and our forgetfulness of the innocent integrity we are all born with, we will most certainly pass on to others the ways we ourselves have been treated.
If a child is hit, verbally or sexually abused or merely ignored at times, abandoned at crucial times or discounted–it leaves a legacy.
Sylvie’s generous accounting of her own history and life journey tells us that unless we self-focus and admit we are all a little damaged from parents–even those with good intentions–we cannot change our life. We will continue to cycle and re-cycle through the same tired stages and feel the same separateness and alienation from the good life we all deserve.
Alice Miller is the standard here. Unless we confront our own intentions and the sometimes evil effects of those intentions on others, we will never “leave the scene of the crime.” We will continually act out our dysfunctions on others. We will continue to fail at relationships. We will move to another city to get our way clear at last–then we realize the problems have all come with us.
Sylvie’s journey is humankind’s hope to finally get clear of ignorance, immaturity, revenge, scapegoating and global violence. The great heroes of the past were always right: it starts with us or it never gets better.
Brilliant! by JW
“Sylvie! Congratulations on your awesome book and the long journey you have been on. I just “burned” through your book but I am definitely going back to “learn and savor it.” It will remain on my bookshelf until I reach that Big Blue Door. …Again, I know your book will be a valuable kick start and resource for the enlightened people of the world.
….Please know that as an inveterate reader, a curious human and a former news reporter and journalist, I think your book is quite brilliant and very unique. It was good to get to know you a bit better. And the jacket and format of the book is splendid!
Thank you for writing it, friend!
Thank you, JW. And thank you for reading it! I am so glad you liked my book! It means a lot to me. I worked very hard to deliver my book/baby to the world, of course I could not have done it without the talent of my co-writer Ed Sweet — he is the most brilliant one here!
Also thank you for sharing your painful experiences with your mother as young boy, no child should have to go through painful experiences like you did and that’s why I wrote my book, maybe will help some young parents to become aware of their own childhood repression and hopefully save future children from having to go through the same painful childhood traumas.
My best wishes to you and take good care my friend,
“I want to announce that I am deeply moved by the quality and lucidity of your work, Sylvie Imelda Shene. And I am utterly proud to introduce you to my site both as professional and as a friend. by Ester Santos
For those who know little about the work of the author I recommend reading it again and again. ..yet again. For those who have immersed themselves in academic psychology in the attempt to understand why humans do what they do in their most unconscious form, missed out a great deal of reliable and necessary analyses for accurate theory formation.
I think the work being introduce here will compliment it and it will answer many questions unanswered within the scientific circles. And for those who ever wondered why good humans do bad things, here is an omissible answer. Thoroughly researched, scientifically backed, responsibly analyzed and a reliable new way at looking at ourselves and others.
As the author puts it “Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. And this is a fact.” After I read this book I realized how little and vague I had previously understood about this concept. I had never realized the extent our behavior is intertwined with our childhood intakes.
Sylvie Imelda Shene,my deep congratulations on your brilliant achievement .A Dance to Freedom is undoubtedly a master and a leading work . Now, on a personal note, Thank you very much for the work,for the dedication and for the kind inscription on the first page” Ester Santos
I was fortunate to have met Sylvie online and understood the importance of her message. I was able to offer her some small help in getting her book published. As I’ve told her I’m honored to know her. Sylvie has accomplished the bravery of being totally exposed for all the world to see in sharing her personal story, and by example, she offers a means to help others with their own emotional prisons.
I admire her and the great distance she’s come intellectually and emotionally from the humble beginnings she did. She’s the youngest child of ten who was born in a poor village in Portugal, traumatically witnessing the accidental death of one of her older sisters at age two, being abuse physically and emotionally from teachers who never knew of her learning disability, dyslexia, and the abuse as you may have guessed of a dysfunctional family.
She had some assistance in writing her book and some of her use of vocabulary is a testament to the limitations of someone who was so discouraged by her educational mistreatment that she ended her formal education after 6th grade! Her escape to the U.S. is quite logical, as it was a matter of emotional survival of herself. She literally came with only a suitcase in hand, and found that only the physical beauty she owned would grant her an honest “living” wage.
Living in the desert southwest Sylvie would hit barriers to her own happiness because there was a constant self-sabotage from an unresolved past. I’m envious of a special opportunity afforded Sylvie, which was a few private email exchanges with the late world renowned psychologist, Alice Miller, a Polish-Jewish survivor of WW II Germany. Dr. Miller’s books offered the layperson a chance to help themselves face their childhood traumas and heal them.
Sylvie Imelda Shene faced those unwanted, unpleasant lonely parts of herself and found answers in Dr. Miller’s works after attempting many other forms of therapy that proved ineffective. If you wish to understand a socially banished problem, psychological abuse of children in general parenting, something that plagues and creates many of civilizations adult conflicts I highly recommend this humble book as an example of one woman’s journey of self in finding a pathway to her own happiness through a thorough guided introspection that is more than an intellectual exercise, it’s a confession with one’s own soul!” John Wilwerding
Read More here
“The book’s good, Sylvie. 1/4 way through. It’s good.” by ST
Hi ST! I am glad you are enjoying reading my book! Thanks for letting me know! So far most people that read it tell me it’s very good and the ones that don’t say anything I take their silence as positive, because are in shock and it means I got them silent to think! Sylvie
“I’m enjoying the fact that it’s out there, that it’s well done, and likely to be taken seriously. …I like your use of citations, the footnotes, sources like Bruce Perry and the ACE study, I like your rejection of the 12-step stuff. So far I haven’t come across a single thing to take issue with. Which does feel good. But also makes me wonder. Maybe it’s just a matter of seeing trees. Some people aren’t able to see any trees at all because there’s a forest in the way. But once they see one the others become pretty obvious too. I wonder if it could be something like that. Anyway, have a great Saturday night. Later, again, thanks for writing that book!” ST
Hi S! I am so glad you liked my book and you think is well done and likely to be taken seriously. I am also glad that so far you haven’t come across a single thing to take issue with, and you are enjoying the fact that it’s out there. I know it’s never fun to read about others trauma. Thank you for reading it and having the courage to be a witness, it means a lot to me, because I know you are an emotional honest person and you would not say that you like it unless you meant it! I worked very hard to deliver this book to the world and I might not ever break even, it’s a labor of my love and is work from love or the heart and is not done for money. If it pays me back great, but if it doesn’t, it’s my gift to the world and if it helps one person, it was all worth it. Again thank you for your support and best wishes, Sylvie
“…Back to Miller (then I’ll wrap up, promise): I came onto her stuff because I’d already decided to learn all I could about child mistreatment. I’d gotten sick of hearing about it, angry enough that I’d decided to do something. I wasn’t looking to “fix” myself, that wasn’t in my sights. And pretty much still isn’t, for that matter. (And
I don’t want anybody else trying to ‘fix’ me either. 🙂 ) I’d just wanted to take on an old enemy. The exact same one I’d lived with as a kid, seemed pretty clear. Anyway, it’s hard not to run into Miller when going that direction. I don’t regret the decision at all but I regret that I haven’t yet hit anything hard enough to have made probably very much difference. For me, doing something was and still is the important thing.
The ‘bad’(‘disheartening’?) part about Miller was seeing just how difficult it is – even for someone as credentialed as she was – to reason with or in any other way break through to people (in her case, even to other psychologists) about it. I’m not talking about the therapy part of what she tried to do, I just mean just the difficulty of getting people to connect the very few dots between “traditional” ways of treating children and the damage it’s done and continues to do.
And of course you’re familiar with all that! Anyway, the implications of Miller’s view in terms of the ‘macro’ world out there did pretty well blow my mind.I’m talking now about how it related not just to crime and ‘mental illness’ but to even full-fledged war. I hadn’t been looking for any of that at all – just wanted ammo for fighting at the ‘micro’ end – adults treating kids badly. But I couldn’t find a single flaw in the way she was thinking when it came to those outward rippling effects.
Okay this has gotten too long, and I’m out of time anyhow. So gonna cut short wherever it was my thoughts were going. Your book is *something*. It’s a good hit against a ton of the hoo-ha out there that just doesn’t work. I respect the heck out of your commitment and effort!” ST